I’ve got a lot of things I want to vent about. It’s funny… up until a few weeks ago the idea of getting back to blogging was dreadful because I drew a blank whenever I thought of potential topics to vent on.
Now, it seems as if every little thing has potential for me to just go on and on and on and on about. It’s a bit frustrating because I have a lot of ideas floating around in my mind, kinda getting jumbled up or lost but I know I’ll only remember so much. I could potentially make a list of everything I’ve been wanting to get off my mind but I’m too lazy. Maybe I will..in this post.
Anyone notice that I’ve used the word POTENTIAL like 3 times so far?
..Yeah, me either.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like I have to write for the audience which is pretty nice. I mean, yeah, people I think are semi cool ;) have the link to this thing and I think they might want a glimpse into my cranial jargon (though I think most understand the way I think/feel about stuff in general) but ultimately, I’m writing because I have a thirst to let it out of my system. And being heard by people who won’t feel the need to be critical bastards is part of that selfish desire.
I got an NPR toolbar. I adore it because it has all the big city NPR stations on a cute little dropdown menu which I can access at any point and time with a simple click. Should’ve thought of it earlier. I went through a toolbar obsession phase during which I had a Google (mandatory duh), Amazon, and Dictionary.com toolbar because those three are like staples for me. Now I have my 4th staple : - )
Anyway.. things I need to write about:
1. Operation BRAINWASH 08 (I wish this had something to with the American media or the Bush administration or something political like that)
2. THE MOULDING PHENOMENON. Or molding. Whatever..i think it’s moulding. I cant be bothered to use my dictionary.com toolbar right now but really, moulded minds are molded..or molded minds are moulded anyways
3. The Traditional Females’ Role and the Evolution of My Perception of It Through Recent Years (it looks and sounds like a book title because I could in fact, write a book about it).
I also need to take pictures of the way my room looks now for this blog because it’s become a reflection of me finally.. and I need to show all my friends.
I am seriously undergoing ridiculous thought process alteration these days. Like, wow. I can’t believe how rapidly the solid frames of my mind are shifting. It’s like an earthquake in my mind that I kind of welcome, even though a lot of the changes feel like I have to extract a 100 year old tree with its roots from the ground sometimes. Others feel more like mountains with ice peaks that have finally seen and felt the warmth of the sun and are EVER SO READY to melt the hell away and obey the forces of a gravitational pull inevitable. At the same time, there is acknowledgement of the waters inherent nature and desire to take the shape of whatever, whenever whilst keeping its individuality intact. In short, I’m becoming a liberal feminazi.
Or not. I’ll explain in detail at some point. I gotta go now…more tonight.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
blessings and such
The Beloved As (Afshan & Amenah) have been harassing me to get back to blogging again but I’ve just been reading about their lives and thinking, uh, mine’s not very happening right now thank you very much. Still, I got this thing up a few weeks ago even though I couldn’t think of anything good enough to write about. Maybe I was sleepy at the time. Anyway, so I’m back in the zone alhamdulillah and insha’Allah. I thought about it last night actually because I started to think of all the awesome things that are happening lately and was like, I gotta write this down..This is EPIC awesome alhamdulillah. But then maybe it’s my perception you know. I’m easily pleased, I think….well, as long as we’re not talking about a potential spouse at least. Ask my parents for more on that bit!
I’ve never referred to them as the ‘Beloved As’ before…but it’s time I did. I LOVE how the most significant people in my life both have names that start with an A..And it’s the first letter of the alphabet. It makes my OCD do jumping jacks. Oh and obviously we can’t forget Allah? I mean how freaking awesome is that? Uh, and Atlanta. Ok wow, that’s just crazy.
Also, all the first letters of the names of my immediate family members spell STAR. Kind of cheesy but I like how that works out. So um I just had to mention that.
Speaking of family members, I didn’t mention my cats yet. Lord have mercy. Um, I got coupons in the mail from this pet resort/hotel/overnight care place we dropped them off when we went on vacation in April (yeah, that rich white peoples golf resort…WTF) and I just saw this morning they’re addressed to MANO Nav**** (our last name). How amusing I thought. For those of you wondering, although I doubt anyone should be, because if you’re wondering that much you shouldn’t be reading my blog to be honest (but then it is open for the world to seek out, speaking of which, no shady/inside family/friend jokes on comments please…privacy and all. anyway so Mano is one of my cats. one year old calico female)
So I was brushing my teeth last night (or this morning considering I slept at 5 am) about how it would be so interesting to document my thought process on a consistent basis and look back at myself in 5, 10, 20 years to see what kind of progress I’ve made as an individual and whether all the things I think I predict so well about the future and how I’m going to turn out are going to end up true. Anyway God help me because consistency when it comes to blogging isn’t my forte. Though in the end, I still have emails and long posts on message boards that I make a point of regularly penning so I could always go by that if I’m SO interested in remembering what I used to be like when I’m 30. Then again I wonder if I’ll be that interested…I mean right now, I’m really kinda embarrassed thinking about life pre-2007 because that’s when I finally grew a brain in my opinion. So I wonder if I’ll be thoroughly embarrassed by my young self enough to block these ‘precious’ years from my mind.
Wow, long rant thus far and I still have much to say before ending. But I think everyone is probably just really happy I’m writing so I’ll stop feeling self conscious.
OKAY AWESOME THINGS HAPPENING TO ME AS OF JUNE 26th, 2008.
In no particular order. because they’re all equally significant to me but in that they evoke different feelings because man, if you’re gonna sit there and tell me I should feel excited about a baby on the way and to someone insanely awesome in my opinion the same way I’m excited about a new album from my favorite band then I’m gonna have to kick you
Okay so I gave two of them away.
But it’s also how it all started masha’Allah. This baby is already good news!
So first I find out my BEST FRIEND FOREVER #1 is having a baby. This is BIG. No one knows or will ever know. Masha’Allah insha’Allah everything works out well. I’m so thankful. Yes at the risk of sounding like a cheeseball to my friends who also don’t do emotion well. although nowadays we’re all in a different emotional zone for various reasons ha-ha…kinda funny guys if you think about it ;) at least one of the ladies has her hormones to blame for that…yeah whatever.."hormones’ I HAVE THEM T OO YOU KNOW, NOT ANY LESS OF A WOMAN! )
Anyway so, I’ve never felt this excited or happy about a baby in my life. With the exception of my brothers birth and I was like 8 then..and that was still different. Awesome but different. And also given the fact I absolutely adooore babies and have for most of my life….it’s strange. It’s like my own sister is gonna give birth. Amazing. I’m learning a million things about pregnancy and this mom to be experience and I’m sure I’ll continue learning.. A-1s (Afshan) life is like an experiment that just keeps turning out better and better masha’Allah so we can eventually follow in her footsteps..i’m sure A-2 (Amenah) agrees. Ok why the heck am I making my friends sound like apartment numbers?
Yeah, then after the baby Coldplay released their newest cd..which is amazing amazing amazing. The one and only band I’d honestly consider seeing in concert and I think concerts are haram. I mean they’d still be haram but you know. Uh. And I’d also be ok with seeing Josh Groban. But more Coldplay. So their songs are awesome, have I mentioned? The music is SO different. Lost has DRUMS. DRUMS HELLLO! They might as well convert to Islam now.
I love all the songs..it’s like I fall in love with one song every other day. It’s great. I remember when A-2 and I would refer to our obsession with listening to a song over and over and over again as ‘KILLING A SONG’… hey sal, what’re you doing? Um, you know..killing a song ;) (we incidentally also like the same type of music..with the exception of that GOLDEN SONG. Living my life like it’s golden..bahahaaha…good times) Anyway it was basically like we’d listen to a song non stop if you hadn’t figured that already :-P so I still do that and I know for a fact she does as well..don’t suppose we’lll be growing out of that one anytime soon. PS MUSIC IS HARAM.
Okay moving on. Though I do sound like I’m writing a PHD thesis. But ok.
The third awesome thing is that A-2 might have finally found the man of her dreams..TAKBEER alhamdulillah insha’Allah it works out well…man I don’t wanna jinx it by writing about it too much but I am insanely ecstatic, that much should be apparent..um, if only because I JUST WANNA DEBKAH AT A PALESTINIAN WEDDING in an american dress with my hair all done not having to worry about guys sneaking it from somewhere crazy like at our lovely crazy supposedly half assed ‘separate’ brown people weddings..like your cousin walks in and it’s ok for you to not wear hijab around him..like WHY? Cuz I thought you could still marry your cousin
MOOVING ON.
I’m going to be in Atlanta in two weeks exactly insha’Allah..for a wedding in the extended family. The groom is the relative but I don’t really know know him. I know the bride as an acquaintance (Atlanta friend circle clash) but she’s nice. And her sister in law is of course a pretty good friend of mine and relative more recently ;) and plus a million bazillion people from my family/extended family are gonna be there..it’ll be amazing. I’m beyond excited about this one..and duh I get to see A-2. although she’s heading to California for some wedding and I’m only hoping she gets back in time to meet me because otherwise that would be just so SAD. I need a hug from my arrrb girl. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that…but it should be noted that in recent days the two of us established that it’s OKAY to be emotional because um EVERYTHING IS CHANGING..for the better but still..let the tears rollllllllllllllll down..okay maybe not that dramatic.
Also, I discovered last night that there’s something like a fitness convention for muslimahs. (http://www.fitmuslimahsummit.com) Talk about awesome. At some point I’d hoped to start something like that..but hey it already exists…that’s just great. This year the meeting/conference is in Hartford, Connecticut on july 26th and 27th. I’d love to go…we’ll see though.
Then the NBA draft is tonight…which always makes me happy..i don’t know why. And the Euro 2008 soccer games are still keeping me interested..though Turkey did lose. Oh well.
Also I’m turning 21 in 3 days…scary. Scary. Scary. But good insha’Allah..i hope for lots of good things this year iA. It’s gonna be a good year…I can just feel it.
And also also also, last but not least…actually there are other awesome things happening so this is definitely not the last one to note but…my leg feels a lot better..it had been injured slightly for almost a month bc I started training for the November half marathon a little too obsessively…but now I’m good…just needed time and patience..kept up with a lot of other stuff and my running endurance has gotten SO much better masha’Allah, alhamdulillah. I truly can’t believe sometimes how far I’ve come
In the end, I realize good things happen almost as frequently as bad things so I should definitely prepare myself for things to go wrong here and there…wait, who am I kidding. This weekend was pretty much one of those most awful weekends I’ve had in a good while. Just a whole host of emotions I’d thought I’d left somewhere far away (since they hadn’t surfaced for a long long time) appeared from out of nowhere..but for good reason. I don’t really want to get into that. One of the disadvantages of having a publicized blog. But hey, maybe it’s not meant to be voiced eh. It’s not that important. And the people who really matter who are reading already know. Nothing too crazy but I definitely would be lying if I said I didn’t slip into an emo, teenager self destructive mode for a couple days there. But it was nonetheless, a more advanced, mature version of that mode..if that makes sense. I didn’t wanna slit my wrists or anything but I was basically like WTF is this crap, man! And I truly felt like a nice escape would come in handy. Thankfully, I had the two awesome ladies with equally awesome news to keep me going alhamdulillah..that really really kept me on track and reminded me that there’s still good in the world..i mean HELLO why do I sound so dramatic? I’m just being honest. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to die every once in a while, right?
…or uh, not?
Anyway I’m back to ME…the ME I like and want to continue building on..minus a few (too many) things here and there but hey my core is the epitome of happiness and that’s all that matters..
As I was saying, good things come and go..i just gotta hang on to the rope of Allah swt. Because it is from His grace and the blessing he’s bestowed on me that I’ve been able to come back to my healthy perception of things and life...those two days completely sucked and dragged..anyway I understand such goodness can be taken away from us at any point and I can only hope for His mercy and gratitude to continue uplifting me IA
I’ve never referred to them as the ‘Beloved As’ before…but it’s time I did. I LOVE how the most significant people in my life both have names that start with an A..And it’s the first letter of the alphabet. It makes my OCD do jumping jacks. Oh and obviously we can’t forget Allah? I mean how freaking awesome is that? Uh, and Atlanta. Ok wow, that’s just crazy.
Also, all the first letters of the names of my immediate family members spell STAR. Kind of cheesy but I like how that works out. So um I just had to mention that.
Speaking of family members, I didn’t mention my cats yet. Lord have mercy. Um, I got coupons in the mail from this pet resort/hotel/overnight care place we dropped them off when we went on vacation in April (yeah, that rich white peoples golf resort…WTF) and I just saw this morning they’re addressed to MANO Nav**** (our last name). How amusing I thought. For those of you wondering, although I doubt anyone should be, because if you’re wondering that much you shouldn’t be reading my blog to be honest (but then it is open for the world to seek out, speaking of which, no shady/inside family/friend jokes on comments please…privacy and all. anyway so Mano is one of my cats. one year old calico female)
So I was brushing my teeth last night (or this morning considering I slept at 5 am) about how it would be so interesting to document my thought process on a consistent basis and look back at myself in 5, 10, 20 years to see what kind of progress I’ve made as an individual and whether all the things I think I predict so well about the future and how I’m going to turn out are going to end up true. Anyway God help me because consistency when it comes to blogging isn’t my forte. Though in the end, I still have emails and long posts on message boards that I make a point of regularly penning so I could always go by that if I’m SO interested in remembering what I used to be like when I’m 30. Then again I wonder if I’ll be that interested…I mean right now, I’m really kinda embarrassed thinking about life pre-2007 because that’s when I finally grew a brain in my opinion. So I wonder if I’ll be thoroughly embarrassed by my young self enough to block these ‘precious’ years from my mind.
Wow, long rant thus far and I still have much to say before ending. But I think everyone is probably just really happy I’m writing so I’ll stop feeling self conscious.
OKAY AWESOME THINGS HAPPENING TO ME AS OF JUNE 26th, 2008.
In no particular order. because they’re all equally significant to me but in that they evoke different feelings because man, if you’re gonna sit there and tell me I should feel excited about a baby on the way and to someone insanely awesome in my opinion the same way I’m excited about a new album from my favorite band then I’m gonna have to kick you
Okay so I gave two of them away.
But it’s also how it all started masha’Allah. This baby is already good news!
So first I find out my BEST FRIEND FOREVER #1 is having a baby. This is BIG. No one knows or will ever know. Masha’Allah insha’Allah everything works out well. I’m so thankful. Yes at the risk of sounding like a cheeseball to my friends who also don’t do emotion well. although nowadays we’re all in a different emotional zone for various reasons ha-ha…kinda funny guys if you think about it ;) at least one of the ladies has her hormones to blame for that…yeah whatever.."hormones’ I HAVE THEM T OO YOU KNOW, NOT ANY LESS OF A WOMAN! )
Anyway so, I’ve never felt this excited or happy about a baby in my life. With the exception of my brothers birth and I was like 8 then..and that was still different. Awesome but different. And also given the fact I absolutely adooore babies and have for most of my life….it’s strange. It’s like my own sister is gonna give birth. Amazing. I’m learning a million things about pregnancy and this mom to be experience and I’m sure I’ll continue learning.. A-1s (Afshan) life is like an experiment that just keeps turning out better and better masha’Allah so we can eventually follow in her footsteps..i’m sure A-2 (Amenah) agrees. Ok why the heck am I making my friends sound like apartment numbers?
Yeah, then after the baby Coldplay released their newest cd..which is amazing amazing amazing. The one and only band I’d honestly consider seeing in concert and I think concerts are haram. I mean they’d still be haram but you know. Uh. And I’d also be ok with seeing Josh Groban. But more Coldplay. So their songs are awesome, have I mentioned? The music is SO different. Lost has DRUMS. DRUMS HELLLO! They might as well convert to Islam now.
I love all the songs..it’s like I fall in love with one song every other day. It’s great. I remember when A-2 and I would refer to our obsession with listening to a song over and over and over again as ‘KILLING A SONG’… hey sal, what’re you doing? Um, you know..killing a song ;) (we incidentally also like the same type of music..with the exception of that GOLDEN SONG. Living my life like it’s golden..bahahaaha…good times) Anyway it was basically like we’d listen to a song non stop if you hadn’t figured that already :-P so I still do that and I know for a fact she does as well..don’t suppose we’lll be growing out of that one anytime soon. PS MUSIC IS HARAM.
Okay moving on. Though I do sound like I’m writing a PHD thesis. But ok.
The third awesome thing is that A-2 might have finally found the man of her dreams..TAKBEER alhamdulillah insha’Allah it works out well…man I don’t wanna jinx it by writing about it too much but I am insanely ecstatic, that much should be apparent..um, if only because I JUST WANNA DEBKAH AT A PALESTINIAN WEDDING in an american dress with my hair all done not having to worry about guys sneaking it from somewhere crazy like at our lovely crazy supposedly half assed ‘separate’ brown people weddings..like your cousin walks in and it’s ok for you to not wear hijab around him..like WHY? Cuz I thought you could still marry your cousin
MOOVING ON.
I’m going to be in Atlanta in two weeks exactly insha’Allah..for a wedding in the extended family. The groom is the relative but I don’t really know know him. I know the bride as an acquaintance (Atlanta friend circle clash) but she’s nice. And her sister in law is of course a pretty good friend of mine and relative more recently ;) and plus a million bazillion people from my family/extended family are gonna be there..it’ll be amazing. I’m beyond excited about this one..and duh I get to see A-2. although she’s heading to California for some wedding and I’m only hoping she gets back in time to meet me because otherwise that would be just so SAD. I need a hug from my arrrb girl. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that…but it should be noted that in recent days the two of us established that it’s OKAY to be emotional because um EVERYTHING IS CHANGING..for the better but still..let the tears rollllllllllllllll down..okay maybe not that dramatic.
Also, I discovered last night that there’s something like a fitness convention for muslimahs. (http://www.fitmuslimahsummit.com) Talk about awesome. At some point I’d hoped to start something like that..but hey it already exists…that’s just great. This year the meeting/conference is in Hartford, Connecticut on july 26th and 27th. I’d love to go…we’ll see though.
Then the NBA draft is tonight…which always makes me happy..i don’t know why. And the Euro 2008 soccer games are still keeping me interested..though Turkey did lose. Oh well.
Also I’m turning 21 in 3 days…scary. Scary. Scary. But good insha’Allah..i hope for lots of good things this year iA. It’s gonna be a good year…I can just feel it.
And also also also, last but not least…actually there are other awesome things happening so this is definitely not the last one to note but…my leg feels a lot better..it had been injured slightly for almost a month bc I started training for the November half marathon a little too obsessively…but now I’m good…just needed time and patience..kept up with a lot of other stuff and my running endurance has gotten SO much better masha’Allah, alhamdulillah. I truly can’t believe sometimes how far I’ve come
In the end, I realize good things happen almost as frequently as bad things so I should definitely prepare myself for things to go wrong here and there…wait, who am I kidding. This weekend was pretty much one of those most awful weekends I’ve had in a good while. Just a whole host of emotions I’d thought I’d left somewhere far away (since they hadn’t surfaced for a long long time) appeared from out of nowhere..but for good reason. I don’t really want to get into that. One of the disadvantages of having a publicized blog. But hey, maybe it’s not meant to be voiced eh. It’s not that important. And the people who really matter who are reading already know. Nothing too crazy but I definitely would be lying if I said I didn’t slip into an emo, teenager self destructive mode for a couple days there. But it was nonetheless, a more advanced, mature version of that mode..if that makes sense. I didn’t wanna slit my wrists or anything but I was basically like WTF is this crap, man! And I truly felt like a nice escape would come in handy. Thankfully, I had the two awesome ladies with equally awesome news to keep me going alhamdulillah..that really really kept me on track and reminded me that there’s still good in the world..i mean HELLO why do I sound so dramatic? I’m just being honest. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to die every once in a while, right?
…or uh, not?
Anyway I’m back to ME…the ME I like and want to continue building on..minus a few (too many) things here and there but hey my core is the epitome of happiness and that’s all that matters..
As I was saying, good things come and go..i just gotta hang on to the rope of Allah swt. Because it is from His grace and the blessing he’s bestowed on me that I’ve been able to come back to my healthy perception of things and life...those two days completely sucked and dragged..anyway I understand such goodness can be taken away from us at any point and I can only hope for His mercy and gratitude to continue uplifting me IA
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